Back to basics – Fomo, Jomo and Fonbh/Fonbs

Morning, ‘the day breaks, your mind wakes’ (Beatles), your phone wakes too… a new day begins.

In many homes, even before saying good morning to loved ones, first things first – a new, modern ritual begins – checking out our messages. Modern people are driven by a new force of nature – FOMO – Fear of missing out. What important messages have we missed while we were sleeping…? we ask ourselves.

While we are busy checking, the little ones are calling us, pulling on our pyjamas, asking for something, demanding our attention. They do not care about our FOMO they have a different kind of fear – FONBH – Fear of not being heard…or FONBS – Fear of not being seen.

‘Just a second sweetheart’, we might say ‘mommy or daddy is just finishing this little task and will be right with you…’

‘No mommy, I need you now…’ our little one might say, or, instead of that, he/she will start acting out- jump on the bed, climb up too high, spill a cup of juice, anything to make us realize they are there, and in desperate need of our attention…And, actually they deserve it. For, in an hour or so, we shall be off to work, and they shall be off to their day of labor – at kindergarten, or other day care…

So, what can be done –

A number of options:

Communicate – If your child is already awake, give him some attention, and if your job requires, or otherwise you need to check your phone, communicate to them you are just going to check the messages, and you will be right with them. Preparation for an action – usually helps kids – preparation is part of communication.

Undevided attention – while preparing for kindergarten, before setting off to work, try to offer some undivided attention time. This day and age, we are used to doing two things at a time, and sometimes are proud of it. Children need you to be with them, and only them, when you take care of them. They need undevided attention like the air they breath or the water they drink.

Jomo – Joy of missing out – the ‘cousin’ of Fomo – allowing yourself to be! Being able to enjoy moments of no media time, blocking off some of the information blast…Try it sometime, it’s worth it. Your kids will thank you too ☺

Have a great morning,

till next time

Irra Harari Friedman

Senior Educational Psychologist